blog of the
writer and humorist
"A Tumblr blog actually worth
reading. Ultimately useless, yes,
but incredibly amusing."
- Encore Magazine
i write for:
the new yorker,
the awl, mcsweeney's,
death and taxes, witstream,
thought catalog, funny or die, armchair/shotgun, bygone bureau.
my work has also been featured on gawker, twaggies, and happy place.
i once sent weird postcards,
wrote witstream promos, made a supercut of guy fieri eating, scalped kraftwerk tickets, took the pranks out of jackass, live-tweeted a divorce, worked on louie, made a pinterest, text messaged a stranger, and became an official crowd amper for the Chicago Desire bikini basketball team.
i write jokes on twitter:
email me, i'm friendly:
Here are photos of when my friend Ryan and I moved some dead bodies.
Let me back up a bit. Back in March we shot the “Bum Kill” episode of Louie. (Spoiler alert: if you haven’t seen the episode yet, stop reading or click here for the scene). I was tasked with driving the mannequins (the ones that would be tossed in front of a garbage truck a bunch of times) and some other supplies from our office to the set and then back. Fun!
When transporting the bodies back to the office after shooting, the following happened:
- A teamster threw the bloody corpses and decapitated head from the truck they were stored in, onto a populated 5th Ave sidewalk. He then helped me drag the bodies to our van and hoist them into the trunk, to the abject horror of a family of tourists watching nearby.
- The bodies’ legs kept kicking out of the trunk, causing me to clumsily slam the door on their shoes a few times before finally wedging them inside.
- The bodies were covered in fake blood, which soon covered my hands and shirt.
- The “other supplies” turned out to be five shovels.
I drove across town with a trunk full of fake corpses, blood smeared on my hands, and a passenger seat filled with shovels. Fortunately, I didn’t get pulled over.
Another episode of Louie is on FX tonight, at 10:30pm. You should treat yourself and watch it.